Hey everyone, this is a picture of me last night having awesome dinner.
It's fish and steak. With my favorite boil carrots. Dead awesome.
Thought that I could have an amazing dinner date after much crying previous night.
So shortly after i had my dinner, after like 20 mins, i had it all vomited out. Though i usually got gastric upsets and intestine infection and puking seems normal routine for me, this time it freaks me out. I felt like I just had the "puke of my life". Seriously, i can feel my gastric and lungs working so hard together. My stomach, rib bones and hip bones were in great pain. I was breathless. I couldn't think or react to what was happening. It felt like a black out + puking. It's just weird and it really gets me. Really scares me. Look at the photo, look at my bones near the chest area, look. It's disgusting. I always wanted to be skinny. So much, it doesn't really comes to me that i could appear too skinny. After last night, i was so afraid.
Every single day, I had a meal. Just one meal. I don't feel hungry at all. I don't crave for any food. If i was outside with my friends, I will eat. Then I will puke it all out. Every day. I didn't dig the food out on purpose. The food just came out. I can't control. Well, I ate lots of pills. But it doesn't seems to help for now. I depend on water for the past 5 days. Only liquid. I'm losing sleep every night.
I didn't write all these to make myself appear pathetic. Almost none reads this corner anymore. But i do. I favorite my own blog link. It serve as a reminder that i promise myself today, i will live better. I haven't been doing it since way back. And I have been hiding and going round the circles myself. I was defeated and I continue to let more things defeat me. But people will see how strong i am again. At least those who love me. And I will have that strength, will and faith.
It's fish and steak. With my favorite boil carrots. Dead awesome.
Thought that I could have an amazing dinner date after much crying previous night.
So shortly after i had my dinner, after like 20 mins, i had it all vomited out. Though i usually got gastric upsets and intestine infection and puking seems normal routine for me, this time it freaks me out. I felt like I just had the "puke of my life". Seriously, i can feel my gastric and lungs working so hard together. My stomach, rib bones and hip bones were in great pain. I was breathless. I couldn't think or react to what was happening. It felt like a black out + puking. It's just weird and it really gets me. Really scares me. Look at the photo, look at my bones near the chest area, look. It's disgusting. I always wanted to be skinny. So much, it doesn't really comes to me that i could appear too skinny. After last night, i was so afraid.
Every single day, I had a meal. Just one meal. I don't feel hungry at all. I don't crave for any food. If i was outside with my friends, I will eat. Then I will puke it all out. Every day. I didn't dig the food out on purpose. The food just came out. I can't control. Well, I ate lots of pills. But it doesn't seems to help for now. I depend on water for the past 5 days. Only liquid. I'm losing sleep every night.
I didn't write all these to make myself appear pathetic. Almost none reads this corner anymore. But i do. I favorite my own blog link. It serve as a reminder that i promise myself today, i will live better. I haven't been doing it since way back. And I have been hiding and going round the circles myself. I was defeated and I continue to let more things defeat me. But people will see how strong i am again. At least those who love me. And I will have that strength, will and faith.
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